The NICU Translated Podcast

Mary Farrelly (00:00)
Today's guest is someone very special, not just because she's a NICU mom, but because she's also part of the NICU translator team. Leilah's story started with a planned birth at a birthing center and a vision for how she wanted to welcome her baby. But life had a different plan. One that included a micro preemie, weeks in the NICU, and a journey that would completely change the way she sees motherhood. She's here to share not just her story, but also the mindset tools she used to navigate one of the hardest seasons with hope and grace.

You're going to leave this episode feeling inspired, grounded, and ready to face whatever challenges may come your way.

Hi, Leilah and welcome to the NICU Translated Podcast.

Leilah Robinson (01:12)
my goodness, hello!

So happy to be here!

Mary Farrelly (01:16)
and you have the honor of being our very first guest recording. So I wouldn't want it to have this happen with any other person. Leilah has been kind of the behind the scenes person at the NICU translator for the past year now.

Leilah Robinson (01:20)
Wee.

Mm-hmm. I've really enjoyed it. It's been really rewarding and you know, we kind of just aligned with each other and here we are.

Mary Farrelly (01:38)
I know you're like the yin to my yang.

So, but I'm excited to not, you know, not talk business and spreadsheets today, but to talk a little bit about your NICU story. Cause I feel like one of the reasons why we connected was because our vision for the NICU experience and your story really just align so well with the work that we hope to do as both NICU providers and doulas in this space. So ⁓ I would love to start.

Leilah Robinson (02:06)
100%.

Mary Farrelly (02:07)
off with a couple like just bringing you back to that moment when you were pregnant. You, most people as we've talked about in many of our NICU trainings do not plan for the NICU as part of their birth plan. So you can, can you take us back to the moment when you realized your baby was going to be born early and what maybe that felt like in your body and what that experience was like for you?

Leilah Robinson (02:33)
Well, believe it or not, the first word that came to my mind was relief. And I'll tell you why in a very short version. the baby, my son Kylo, who was my NICU baby, I did miscarry in 2019, a year or so before, or a couple of few years before that. And unfortunately it was still in the second trimester, but it was at 17, almost 18 weeks. And I just remember

getting to the hospital and the woman there, one of the nurses, just kind of very matter factly said to me, you know, we try to save it around as early as 20 weeks, but you're only 17 weeks. So it was kind of like, ⁓ wow, I missed the cutoff. So that, you know, she delivered it in, I'm very kind of a matter of fact person. Obviously I knew that was happening, but it just stuck with me that like 20 weeks, okay, for some reason. So this second time.

there was no warning with both. And so this second time around when my water broke as it did both times out of nowhere, I was at 24 weeks. my body was like, ⁓ this is happening, but everything's gonna be okay in the craziest way for me and my story. And what it felt like in my body was the first time I was basically in labor for a week prior, but

Both times, there was no one took alarm to maybe any of the, what we can say were signs now. So again, my body just, kind of leaned into it the second time because I had that kind of feeling of relief a little bit. And, you know, we'll talk a little bit later, like where my mind went, everything like that, but.

That's how I

Mary Farrelly (04:28)
Yeah, I can only imagine how intense that like how many mixed feelings you had about like doing this, but also I'm you know, I'm grateful that we're going to have a different experience and I'm also really sorry for your loss because that is such I also had several losses trimester but ⁓ they really change how you interact with future pregnancies. There's no going back from

Leilah Robinson (04:36)
was wild.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm, yes.

Exactly.

Mary Farrelly (04:58)
that kind of wide-eyed, like bright-eyed kind of, you know, It does change things.

Leilah Robinson (05:03)
kind of fluffed it off because

it does. I was kind of, yeah, that's a whole other thing. But I kind of myself too was kind of in a dream in the second one and did everything exactly the same. When maybe exactly I maybe shouldn't have, but I was like, my mom had a miscarriage before me and I knew friends that had. you know, it's interesting how it should have, but it didn't. ⁓ I bet you that third time around, if God willing.

Mary Farrelly (05:15)
That's beautiful.

Leilah Robinson (05:32)
I will be a lot more vigilant.

Mary Farrelly (05:34)
Well, as we know, there's nothing that you can really do to prevent a NICU. Like there's education and there's empowerment and there's understanding your decision, your choices that you can make. ⁓ But even with the best preparation, living it is always a completely unique experience. So let me. What was your initial?

Leilah Robinson (05:39)
Right, it's so true.

Right.

one. Right. Mm hmm. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (06:01)
and dream for your pregnancy before the NICU became part of your story with Kylo.

Leilah Robinson (06:07)
So I am a little bit of a woo woo girly earth girl. So I was in the world of not at home though. I was willing to take the adventure with a midwife. And I actually didn't have a doula. I kind of learned about doulas a little bit later after the whole midwife thing and went on that rabbit hole, right? So that was my dream. A birthing center here in New Jersey.

both times, the second time I made it to the birthing center and got to see it and everything like that. you're picking the room you'll want if it's available when you get there. The tub or the bed or the shed, the whole nine, the dream ⁓ of bringing in my baby in my way. And when we left the birth center that time we got to visit it, I remember on the ride home, or me and my husband as we were walking, we're like, this is great.

like, you know, if this works out, we can do this at home. Like, we went from, we were just very like into it in that way. So yeah, I'm one of those, I'm from that camp. ⁓ so yeah, it was completely night and day to be sitting here talking with you about the NICU.

Mary Farrelly (07:24)
Would you and what did your birth look like what did what was that experience for you?

Leilah Robinson (07:32)
So the birth, to keep a very obviously long story short, went in on a Thursday, 24 weeks on that Friday. And we wanted to try to keep me pregnant for as long as possible. That was funny. And so he was ready to come that Tuesday. I did have to, he was breech, which I was as well. So I was kind of joking with him like, need you to, don't be like mommy, please. Can you turn around so I can at least get my vaginal birth, please?

Mary Farrelly (07:36)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (08:01)
Nope. So I, from the C-section camp as well. And ⁓ that now, the birth experience though, which we'll get into, you know, kind of my spiritual journey that parallels all of this. I literally felt like, and I don't mean to, I'm not making fun, I come from a Christian background, but I literally, as we get on the table, like two feet down at the bottom, open your arms to the side, I was like, I'm literally giving my life for this child.

Mary Farrelly (08:30)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (08:31)
You know, like that's what I envisioned. Like, wow. And ⁓ it was great. The, well, you know, I like to joke about it, but it was, it was happening. They did have to ⁓ numb me twice. I was like, as they started to incision, I said, yeah, feel that one. Thank you. It hit me again. And I hear the doctors like literally chit chatting about their weekend as they're getting the baby out. So I laugh like, wow.

Either they really know what they're doing or should I be concerned? And then as he came out, ⁓ they rolled him next to me and he like, his eyes were open at 24 weeks, eyes open, he's staring right at me. And at our 20 week scan way back when we did the ultrasounds, he looked at the camera and the ultrasound, I should have known that something's up. And so when they wheeled him past me, he gave me the exact same look. I'll never forget that.

Mary Farrelly (09:11)
Uh-huh.

He was like,

buckle up, mom. This is our story.

Leilah Robinson (09:29)
Yup, like he's

so funny. So yeah, my mind was doing a lot of things, but in an odd way, I was overfilled with a lot of peace to embark on the unknown.

Mary Farrelly (09:46)
Beautiful. What was your first kind of that transition between giving birth and making eye contact and realizing like this is game on, we're doing this? What was that time in between giving birth and going into the NICU? Is there anything that you wish had happened in that interim time? Is there anything that you were thinking or? ⁓

Leilah Robinson (10:11)
okay. Yes. Well, the pleasantly enough, the hospital that I was at, like completely almost to a T diminished all my kind of like preconceptions of the hospital, this being my third one, I had a guard up and from emergency room introduction, the utmost care, LND, everyone. So everyone, you know, between then and now, between the pre-birth and the NICU.

I was getting the social worker came in, I got a lactation consultant come in and let me know. So there was, I was inundated with information, but it also felt good that I felt the hospital was very proactive and not just leaving, you know, just leaving you in the dark. So that felt good. I was obviously going through my own body in shock after a C-section and not ever having any surgery in my life. ⁓ That was wild. That was...

Mary Farrelly (11:03)
Great.

Leilah Robinson (11:07)
That was wild, but I'll spare us for now. so then, however, what I was thinking though now, know, okay, you're early. Again, further in we'll get, I'll touch more on this concept of spirit baby, but I was connecting, I had already kind of connected with him. So like I said earlier, you know, I'm talking to him and telling him like, turn around, don't be like, let's not be.

I had like a relationship with him even though I didn't know him that I intentionally was creating from a certain point in the pregnancy. ⁓ immediately realizing like, okay, you wanted to, you were supposed to be born in July, which would have been, and I'm an astrology girlie. So immediately I'm looking for ways to connect and support this being that has joined me. I joked like, you know, I had been doing like little meditations here and there and getting to know him and things like that. so from

July to March, the end of my birthday, I was like, so you want to impinge on my parade? You really wanted to meet me, huh? I was like, all right, so let's find out how he needs to be supported. So funny enough, he was supposed to be born in July, which would have put him in a cancer. He came in ⁓ late March, which made him an Aries, but his...

moon sign and his rising sign, if you guys want to look it up for fun, anybody into astrology, ⁓ were both cancer. So he had the same like energy. I said, hmm, and if you know of cancer or you are cancer, you love home, the mother is there and you just, it's all about emotions and feeling warm and your intuition, things like that. So I was just kind of just laughing at, okay, now I

who on a story level, who I'm dealing with. you know, maybe get started getting curious about why he was here and, you what this was all meant for me. So literally a lot of things, I'm a Pisces. So I bet that makes anyone giggle. I'm literally living in both worlds at the exactly the same time. So there's all this natural scary hospital.

Mary Farrelly (13:07)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (13:26)
clinical stuff happening, but at the same time, spiritually, I'm making like a whole story up about this to help me move forward. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (13:34)
To help you cope, that's such a beautiful

like way to were you literally looking up his like moon and something as you were

Leilah Robinson (13:42)
100%. I

told my husband, I didn't know if they were gonna announce it or whatever. like, somebody make sure you get the time. And she does, she announced it 115. I said, okay, soon as I got, soon as I wheeled back to the room, yes, I looked it up immediately.

Mary Farrelly (13:55)
That's

amazing. I should have done that because I feel like it would have been appropriate for to know exactly who I was dealing with. I miss you, children.

Leilah Robinson (14:02)
It's a, that's

a whole other topic, but it's a beautiful one and one I think everyone should kind of get curious about. Just get curious. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (14:11)
Yeah, it's

fun. There's nothing I love more than having those moments of introspection on yourself and your loved ones because I feel like those calm points are when you can really dig into who they are and who you are and how you all mesh

Leilah Robinson (14:20)
Mm-hmm.

Right,

Mary Farrelly (14:27)
touched on the concept of spirit babies as we've talked through. So before we go into the NICU let's just go there. Let's just dive in and kind of think.

Leilah Robinson (14:34)
Okay.

Mary Farrelly (14:36)
I would love to hear a little bit more on how your past experiences and your current experience at parenting a child before, during and after a NICU stay, where does this concept of spirit babies, what is it and how does it tie into your experience?

Leilah Robinson (14:53)
Yeah, so if you think about mediums and people that have the ability to connect with spirits, ⁓ that is spirit babies. And funny enough, and well, let me fill in a little bit more there, they're spirit babies. And there's a concept, whether you're familiar with it or not, ⁓ that our souls reincarnate and things like that. And each time we come in, we pick a different lesson to live out.

for our humanness to experience life basically. So, and then your different souls make certain soul contracts with each other. So it can be said that your children chose you or you chose them to help you live out certain lessons ⁓ in life for your highest evolution, right? So spirit babies are literally like little baby souls that have a message or it's,

who has possibly linked in with you and the opportunity to connect with them and communicate with them. And so there are meditations that can be done and the person, the medium that I would say I guess coined this concept, because I'm sure it's been done through the ages of course, but ⁓ who's brought it relevant to us today is someone by the name Walter McKeachin.

And so he wrote the book Spirit Babies and I had come across, don't remember how, but just reading through other things, came across it in my second pregnancy, I was already pregnant. ⁓ But in losing ⁓ my baby in the first pregnancy, there was something in me that triggered me onto my spiritual journey and what I call my spiritual awakening. This was around 2020, where we were all on very different journeys.

Mary Farrelly (16:45)
you

Leilah Robinson (16:46)
So yeah, he would have been born in May, 2020. So as that unfolded, and then I'm starting to learn a lot about myself and you know, like everyone went on their pandemic journey. I kind of had peace knowing there's a reason why he didn't stay and I don't think and God bless and I'm just so in awe of all the parents and it's a funny like meme going on and

on around social media right now, like everybody look out the pandemic kids are coming to kindergarten. So but God bless those parents, full term babies. If you lost a baby, NICU you babies, I cannot imagine their journey that year. So I, I've become stronger as a result of my own journey. I don't think I was there. I don't know if I would have made it out. You know, that's all I can say. That wasn't my story.

And no one would choose any of our stories, but apparently I wasn't ready for that one. So I kind of was like, okay. ⁓ And then also it gave me the opportunity, if I hadn't had a baby that year, I probably would have missed out on the spiritual evolution that I was able to ⁓ take that I believe in terms of this concept, his contract with me needed a more evolved mom in the sense of who I'm becoming.

And of course this is about levels and things like that. think about like, when you talk about spirituality and everyone's evolution, it's more of a kind of side by side thing rather than above. We meet and we cross and things like that. Anyway, so I found the book, Second Trimester. I was like, it gave language to what I already had an understanding of intuitively.

Oh, so there's spirit. Like I was like, oh, duh. There's spirit babies? Okay. So I, you know, just read the book cover to cover and started doing some of the meditations that were there. And again, like just starting to get to know him and communicate with him. I haven't been able to, intuitively, I feel like he was with me throughout, between the two pregnancies.

but I'm not at a point where I can actually communicate as a medium would. So that's why he lists a lot of, the better word is probably connect, rather than communicate. But the book talks about his journey and helping a lot of parents and moms connect with these babies. And he talks about how they kind of form like this little green orb, sometimes the different colors and so on and so forth.

if they left early, hey, I needed you to be this kind of way, or I needed a certain body to live out what I was supposed to do. Maybe they needed to be born disabled, or it just helped parents think about something bigger than their actual, whether IVF, miscarriage, whatever the case may be, than your physical situation. So it opens you up to receive.

So it's pretty, like it can be woo woo, but in the concept of kind of reframing, yeah, what this meant for us, me and my baby, it was just game changing because it just made me curious every step of the way. Still had all the feelings though. I still, that's what I'm saying. I don't wanna come across like, this was meant for me because it's helping me be that, you know, no.

That's not where I'm going. I still would have chose it. But here we are. It chose me. I think, right, the curiosity is just like, okay, well, instead of, oh, this is happening to me, like, okay, why? Yeah. You know, why? Right. Mm-hmm.

Mary Farrelly (20:45)
But it chose me!

of resisting being curious and thoughtful and asking

like, yeah, what's next? What are our next steps together? I think this is the, I hear time and time again from families in the Nip-U that there's a lot of like guilt about their pregnancy and their connection with their baby, worrying that they're not bonding, worrying that you know their baby or their life is going to be

Leilah Robinson (21:06)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

Mary Farrelly (21:26)
really hard because of this journey and you're right, it is a journey. Having these types of tools and thoughts are not gonna erase the actual experience, but it can reframe it in a way that feels less overwhelming and less daunting.

Leilah Robinson (21:38)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yeah, absolutely. It's, yeah, curiosity was the key. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (21:49)
So let's take it to your beautiful spear baby is now our side and is in the NICU and you're meeting him for the first time. What was that those first minutes of your experience in the NICU like?

Leilah Robinson (22:04)
Yeah. So coming up there, it, when I think back, I put myself back in that, right in that moment, it was calm. So I can't, I wasn't met with like a lot of chaos, which was nice. And ⁓ of course, you I'm looking at it, you you're seeing him in this plastic box and he was born with, ⁓ he had like kind of like a fungi kind of situation. So he was like really red and ⁓ little dots all over him. So.

You know, that's what I'm saying. I was in both places. I was like, this is meant for me. This is gonna be beautiful. And oh, oh, hi. you know, the full term newborn babies, we all laugh. They look like little aliens. Imagine a 24 week baby, you know? So let's keep it real. you know, I'm going with both. Yep.

Mary Farrelly (22:55)
They're cute in their own way. They're

like little baby birds is how I imagine preemies

Leilah Robinson (23:01)
that's

perfect. And that is exactly like what I saw. Yes. So, ⁓ yeah, it felt, yeah, there were, was calm, yeah. And then I went to, probably when I was thinking about this, I'm telling the story to myself, like I went to touch him right away. That had to be later on, because he, the condition that he was in. But I know the first time I did,

Again, in this moment, I'm like, okay, let me settle into this and get curious. So I went into, I like just opened his thing or whatever. And the woman was like, no, you can't touch him, your nails or whatever the case may be. you I was just again, kind of like put at a bit of a, okay, so we're doing this. Now I gotta be told when I can touch and this, that and the thirds. I had to kind of deal with that in the moment, but.

Okay, and open myself back up. All right, so what do I have to do? So yeah, I was, it was, yeah, just that first day, that first day. But I will tell you on the first ride over, I was met with so much anger. And that's where I really set into that. But I think we're gonna get there in a second. the, yeah, that,

that and in between.

It was interesting. It was interesting. It was interesting. I hope I answered that. there anymore?

Mary Farrelly (24:37)
Yeah, tell me a little bit about

the feelings that you had, like you mentioned anger and those early like emotions, because you are, the thing with the NICU is that you are still very freshly postpartum. Your hormones are already doing all the things. You just gave birth, you had a major abdominal surgery and you are adding the stress of a NICU stay on top of that. that, like being freshly postpartum in general,

Leilah Robinson (24:42)
Okay. Okay, yeah.

Mary Farrelly (25:05)
comes with a lot of feelings. And then you add these multiple layers that Niki families are dealing with. It's just, ⁓ it's a different experience that comes with lots of intense emotions. So what sort of emotions we're coming through for you.

Leilah Robinson (25:14)
Mm-hmm.

So I had, I think I had gone up and down because I stayed about two more days past ⁓ when he was born to recover obviously. So I had gone up and down to the NICU and I think that's the moment when I first, ⁓ kind what I was just talking about. But after I was discharged and then my first ride over, so we had owned ⁓

a business at the time, assisted stretching service. So my husband on the ride over was just like assuring me like, you know, I got this, whatever support you need at the studio, I'll help fill in shifts. I just want you be able to come here as often as you can, twice a day if you need to, whatever the case may be. And, you know, he was just leaning in, letting me know we're gonna make it through this. And it should have, you know, he obviously had good intention. That triggered me.

Mary Farrelly (26:14)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (26:16)
And I was like, I just said out loud, I'm not coming here every day. And he kind of just looked at me and I was like, definitely not twice a day. I'm not coming here every day, like to the hospital every day. And as soon as I said it, I don't remember what he said to me, if anything, probably knew, let me just let her do whatever she's going through. And to myself, as soon as I said it out loud, I hear kind of like myself say like, did you just say that? And I said, yeah.

Then I got like really, really hot and like tingly like around my heart and out to my shoulders. And I didn't ask, I didn't say a thing back to myself when I said, yes, I did. And then I felt that sensation and I just let it be. And then of course, as days go on, it needs to be, of course, but I honored and I didn't realize I was doing it. I guess this is kind of just like a gift.

I was given, I don't know. And I also think this is just part of why this way the story played out is my story is because I didn't think twice about that. And I typically am a person, as you can see, I can be very, what are you talking, like with myself, like what are you talking about? I question myself, everybody does, you But of all the times.

Mary Farrelly (27:35)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (27:41)
I like my inner thoughts just, didn't hear it after I told myself like, yes, I feel that way and, and then felt it and, released it and moved through to the next step. Like literally putting one foot in front of the other. But as I noticed that I, with intention was feeling things and allowing myself to think whatever thoughts, fear, anger, whatever it was going to be each given day, the more I just,

got curious about the thought, observed it, and then felt it, that helped me again move through. Because my background, was an assisted stretching studio. we literally, there's a moment where you kind of like feel the tension in your body, and then you take a breath. And as you exhale, the coach pushes you a little bit past that point. So it's kind of like releasing energy. So I guess that was what was going on.

I just realized that made a huge difference in how I was able to deal with the day to day rather than questioning myself, doubting every single thing, getting in my head, whatever the case may be. I really just was in the moment. But I don't care what I thought. It all came to the surface, yeah. But I just really didn't judge myself for them. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (28:53)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

That's hard to do. And that's not a skill that that many people have. There's usually a lot of inner narrative and a lot of, I quote, should be doing this. I should be doing that. That whole parenting, mothering kind of inner loop that we have it like a good mom does X, Y, Z, whatever nonsense from the external environment is telling you like how you should be. And if it doesn't totally align with what feels right to you, that's when I feel like there's

Leilah Robinson (29:06)
It is very hard to do. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (29:32)
a lot of intense stress that can form. How did you structure or maybe create a flow for your day to day, week to week throughout your NICU stay? Balancing, caring and showing up for your son, also helping you navigate your own postpartum experience physically and emotionally.

Leilah Robinson (29:35)
Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, early on, obviously, ⁓ I took it slow, but down the line, I made sure, you know, I started to move and put my class in my schedule. ⁓ But we, our NICU, we couldn't stay over. It was like that community bay that you talk about. So I would always go, you know, every day, either before after I went to the studio.

And whenever I was there, day in and day out, I had a really, really good, for the most part, experience with all the nurses and the team there, generally speaking. And the more I learned ⁓ about doing little things here and there, the less coming in I was, I went from like, you know, being unsure and, you know.

Okay, what's today gonna bring like going in like clocking in? Okay, what are we doing today? It's very, yeah, it's very interesting. you know, you know, set a routine with whatever I had going on with work, of course. ⁓ And yeah, just every time I was there, just made an intention to learn something new or sometimes depending on who the nurse was, they made sure they were gonna give me something fun fact for the day. ⁓ And ⁓ yeah, just getting

Mary Farrelly (30:56)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (31:21)
to know him and understanding what would lie ahead with every opportunity that I could. But you asked like logistically what it was or also again like how it felt with the day in and day out.

Mary Farrelly (31:36)
Well, the logistics

are also a big part of NICU life, which it's gonna look totally different for every family. ⁓ If you have a long NICU stay, a lot of families are going back to work and they're navigating a work schedule. Others are navigating their kids at home or, you know, feeding yourself, walking a dog, keeping the house, like, not from falling apart. And then also getting to...

Leilah Robinson (31:39)
Yeah, right. Everybody, right.

Right.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (32:02)
basically be trained as a NICU nurse, as a parent in the NICU. You come in and you, by the end of a long NICU stay, are really usually very self-sufficient and very informed on the basic care of a NICU baby.

Leilah Robinson (32:12)
Mm-hmm.

But again, I think that the biggest word is like curious because, you know, we could all, some of us could retreat and, you know, that's their job. I don't need to, I don't want to, you know, get in anybody's way. I know I've heard that a few times, but like, just like a kid and, you know, what's that? What's happening there? Likely like a toddler will do. I just made sure I was kind of, there were days I was like, I don't want to bother anybody, but I had it ready for, you know, down the line or something. So just kind of getting curious because,

Mary Farrelly (32:21)
I don't know.

Leilah Robinson (32:46)
One of the things I wanted to change that I did feel, even though again I'm saying, I was kinda in it, I felt really powerless. And I remember my friend in the car, she asked one of my best friends, was like, what are you afraid of? What are you most angry about? And I was like, I was prepared to advocate for me. I don't know what's going on here. And it just put me, I had to.

Mary Farrelly (33:11)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (33:16)
really fight to not just give up and feel small because what? I gotta learn all this stuff now, like what, what, what? So that, so I again, kind of had to tell myself like, all right, you gotta do this. I don't know what it's gonna take, but every day ask something, say something, whatever, you gotta speak up. You gotta speak up. So that was part of it too. Putting on my big girl pants.

Mary Farrelly (33:41)
Yeah.

You know, some people are always asking, NICU family is like, I don't know how you do this. And a NICU parent is like, I don't know either. I'm just doing it. I don't really have a choice where I can say, I have to go of this. ⁓ We're going through it. And I also, I think your point about like switching.

Leilah Robinson (33:51)
Exactly. I'm just doing it. It's so true.

Mary Farrelly (34:07)
your mindset from being a really strong advocate for yourself as an autonomous adult, especially in the culture that we live in, where people are usually pretty good about preparing for their birth, learning their informed choices, choosing providers, using a setting that aligns. And then when the NICU becomes part of your story and you don't have the background information, education to even know where to start with advocating and making those informed decisions.

Leilah Robinson (34:15)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Exactly.

Mm-hmm.

Mary Farrelly (34:36)
you can feel completely at the mercy of a system because the NICU is a system, right? You're part of it, but once you're in it, you kind of are being swept along this current where you don't really know how to, you don't even know where your oars are, right? Like you're just kind of like going with the flow, knowing that you wish you had some oars, but they're not there yet. ⁓ So that is one reason why.

Leilah Robinson (34:41)
Ugh.

Mm-hmm.

Exactly. Right?

Mary Farrelly (35:01)
I started the work that I do with NICU Doula is to be able to find, to have people who are those oars and can help fill in the gaps for families quickly because medical care team providers are really focused on the quality care of the babies and less don't always have the time, resources, energy or skills to be able to the families as much as they can. So let's talk a little bit about support. Like how did that...

Leilah Robinson (35:08)
Mm-hmm.

Right.

It's true.

Mary Farrelly (35:27)
play out for you? You said that, you know, your husband was going right into like, like ⁓ planning mode, which I feel like is how a lot of partners are in the NICU when they're in a crisis. ⁓ How did that support, what did support like for you? And maybe how did that integrate in with your relationship with your family?

Leilah Robinson (35:48)
⁓ Yeah,

so he definitely, I put here, he kept his promise. He supported me professionally, helped carry that load. ⁓ But he was also on his journey and I tried to be sensitive to that as well. And we're still to this day, recovering a little bit in our relationship with some of the tensions that came up, but he 100 % didn't have to question a thing. And ⁓ that was good to be able to, you

Mary Farrelly (36:01)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (36:17)
relax in that department. And so my, at the NICU, they allowed the grandparents and just the parents. So I was able to kind of bring my mom and dad along on the journey and he got to know his grandparents as well as we went through this. And my mom was like my, as I had just said, like my husband also going through this in his own way, we didn't really emotionally dump on each other, you know, so.

We kinda didn't do that. ⁓ And so I used my mom in those moments. And she just took for me, would encourage me in her way, but she often just let me talk, which was great and also different for our relationship too. So that's actually interesting that she kind of moved into that role, which I needed. ⁓ And then my friends actually allowed me to just like...

there was like a small group I would keep updated. They do like a little, your baby has a letter for you at our NICU. So they would just kind of send little generic, mostly generic, but they had a few like little updates in there that, you know, ⁓ would be fun to see. And so I would just forward that to my friends and close family to keep them updated. So they didn't really constantly ask, which was nice. And then if I were, I would make time to make sure that I.

would be with my friends from time to time and just try to find the balance and normalcy, still, you know, who I was as I was going through this, to be better for him. Also just allowed me to just kind of be there. They weren't constantly, you know, how is he or giving me things to worry about. ⁓ So that was good. Yeah, I felt, I kept a small, I mean work too, because I had to go back and forth to work and everyone knew what was happening there.

That team played a part too because they, you know, kind of just was along with me, but I would, you know, I had to turn it off and on when I went to work, of course, but everybody, everybody was crazy. The support now, I did want to mention on the, in the topic of support though, cause I know we talk a lot about finding online support and wherever you, whatever you need, feels works for you.

definitely know what works for you in the terms of support, I just wanted to say, because I know that in other instances, like with my friends or even like certain people ⁓ at the job, certain clients, sometimes people overshare or with every good intention, you know,

Mary Farrelly (38:51)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (39:10)
they're telling you about their experience and generalizing it for everyone in a sense. So I was a little skeptical, I guess, but more protective of just my mental capacity. I actually held off on finding support groups, online support and things like that. Again, in, well, not intuitively, I thought about it for sure. I was like, I don't even know if I...

Mary Farrelly (39:36)
Thank

Leilah Robinson (39:39)
The social worker did give me a little bit of a couple of recommendations and things like that. But yeah, I kind of just was like, all right, I'm just, I'm gonna be in this. And then when we got home, that was like extra support once I got home in the Facebook groups and things like that. But I was just careful with, okay, this happened to me and are you checking this? Are you checking that? Like, I just, you know, with a lot of extra support. So you really wanna, again, that goes back to.

Mary Farrelly (40:00)
you

Leilah Robinson (40:07)
kind of listening and sitting in your feelings, allow this experience to kind of guide you to what you need and when you need it so that something that is supposed to help doesn't end up making things worse in a sense. Yeah, so.

Mary Farrelly (40:21)
Support is not one size fits all and just because you said yes to something or no to something of support doesn't mean that it's gonna be the right thing or the missing thing in a day a month or a week. You said it so beautifully like what is in the NICU is one version of your chapter and it needs a specific type of support that can obviously look different for different people and then at can look totally different.

Leilah Robinson (40:24)
Right.

Right.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly.

Like I did it in reverse where there's a lot of, right, there's a lot of women in Facebook groups that are like, this just happened to my baby. And I just was like, I could have never done that. But everybody, you kind of have to like, right, just try and listen to what's going on so you know how to walk through this. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (40:55)
What?

It goes back to the idea of like, should be doing this. Like, no, it's what I'm serious. Does this feel like it's to be helpful or harmful? And similar with the support, like people in your space, you had an incredible crew of people who were offering or listening to what you needed and then offering that. Some people, if you are listening to this and you're like, well, these people are saying that they're supporting me, but they're giving support that feels good to them and not necessarily what I'm needing right now.

Leilah Robinson (41:10)
Right. Yes. Right.

Mary Farrelly (41:33)
know that you can always say no to support that doesn't feel aligned to because sometimes people do what they would. It's like that love language. They do what they wish they had, but not necessarily what is right for you in the moment.

Leilah Robinson (41:36)
Right. Yes.

Right.

Everyone does that with the love languages. If you listen to it, love language, you learn someone's to speak theirs, right? Everybody speaks from theirs. No, the point is to learn the other person's and try and so exactly.

Mary Farrelly (41:53)
Bye.

You can know your own astrology, but you have to know other people's love language for it to actually really get. Don't try to psychoanalyze them. You can do it in your head, but don't do it to them. But support is all about giving to be able to receive it. so sometimes, ⁓ and you know, if you're someone helping someone in a NICU situation,

Leilah Robinson (42:06)
What?

Right, because astrology does not work that way. not learn somebody. Exactly.

That's so funny. Yeah. Right, right.

Mary Farrelly (42:27)
it can be helpful to just offer different types of support because the person in crisis might not necessarily even know what they need, right? You can just try different things on for size until you find something that fits rather than just walking away. Before we kind of transition to home, what was one of your like favorite NICU memories that you had while you were there? What was like that moment of just like joy or

Leilah Robinson (42:33)
Yes, I love when you talk about that. It's 100 % true. Yeah.

Yes.

Hmm.

Mary Farrelly (42:57)
love that you experienced.

Leilah Robinson (43:00)
I mean, outside of the first time I could hold him, like I'm sure everybody's gonna say that, you know? But that, yeah, I think that was the first time, again, like I, you know, they put him on my chest and everything. This was like an earlier than I imagined I would be able to. So that was like, whoa, really already? So when I, yeah, I held him and I just started doing that same kind of.

Mary Farrelly (43:04)
You can share about that first hold. This is magical.

Leilah Robinson (43:29)
breath work that I was doing with the little meditations. And this is part of the, there were little tidbits throughout where I would ⁓ try to go back to, know, what do need here? What do you need? things like that, you know? So yeah, I would do that breathing and I felt like ⁓ we were really bonding and connecting regardless of what was going on. ⁓ Which again, right, didn't, when my first,

day in there that all didn't rush to my head. Like I was like, how am I gonna do this? How am I gonna do this now? He's in a box. That didn't all flood my mind in that moment. Like, so, ⁓ yeah, that was something that first hold And then there were times like then just getting to know him. The second one that pops up is when he's.

Mary Farrelly (44:05)
Night.

Leilah Robinson (44:25)
They had him on his tummy one day and he's literally doing the little butt crawl all the way up and out of the isolette You just don't realize how really mobile these little babies are.

Mary Farrelly (44:37)
They're little, but they are strong. It's very areas of him to try to.

Leilah Robinson (44:39)
Yes, and very Aries and

last one only because it's funny. It wasn't a memory because I wasn't there, but I always tell everybody because he's still a little, my goodness to this day. They told me they were trying to get like the CPAP back on him or something, I think coming out of surgery, maybe not of surgery, there's no way he would have been able to fight, but they were changing him at some point and four nurses were like, it took four of us and we still couldn't.

So he's got to keep this one on today. was something like that. I'm just like, what? I couldn't imagine it. Now I know what they're

Mary Farrelly (45:17)
Mm-hmm. There are some shifts where I leave a 12-hour shift and like I was just owned by 500 grand like

Leilah Robinson (45:25)
And I was like, yeah. So yeah, good and bad days, 100%.

Mary Farrelly (45:35)
true roller coaster. have those highest of highs. There's nothing more magical than the moments in the NICU where you watch these tiny humans that are just growing and developing literally in front of your eyes and making new connections and learning new skills while also knowing that you're taking like two steps forward and be like, is tomorrow going to be a step back or we do keep going forward? It's always this like start, stop, start, stop.

Leilah Robinson (45:36)
True.

Mmm.

less.

My goodness.

Mary Farrelly (46:03)
all the way up until discharge. So how many days were you in the NICU?

Leilah Robinson (46:05)
Mm-hmm.

We were 152 days in the NICU. And as we transitioned home, I was met with a, this is my only, well, not only, but one of my major qualms, if you will, with the end of my experience. They were kind of elusively like, have you thought about taking him to the children's hospital? Da da da da, for, you know, that he can do this, that and the third there.

Mary Farrelly (46:16)
Yeah.

Leilah Robinson (46:39)
It was just, this went on for like a week. Me and my husband were like, what are they talking about? So finally, I remember pulling, I don't remember which doctor I like, what is, maybe it was a nurse, because now I have the words for what was happening. She's like, we can't serve him anymore. needs, he's not ready, he can go home. I think he was on high flow or something at the time, but he's got a lot more.

therapy that he would benefit from X, Y, Z and he's losing developmental time sitting in the back of the NICU and open crib, you know, only getting the specialties twice a week. So it would benefit him for his oxygen and he would be able to continue to. I was like, why didn't anybody just say that? So we were the whole time, like, you know, we're getting ready to talk about discharge. You know, we're seeing babies come in, go out, have their graduation and they're telling us.

Mary Farrelly (47:14)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (47:36)
you should go to this other hospital. So I had to regroup for that. And I wrote in my notes, like, so this first transition brought rage and results. Because right after, you know, I had to deal with the, I've got to go back and forth to hospital again. This hospital allowed us to now stay over at least, in little beds, so we could be with him. And...

Mary Farrelly (47:40)
regroup.

you.

Leilah Robinson (48:04)
and results because the culture in this, the Children's Hospital of wherever, wherever they're all over the states and hopefully they all have the same culture because it worked beautifully for us, but discharge, or plan for discharge from admission. So it's a hands-on hospital, all that jazz. And if you as a parent ever find yourself in that situation, please take advantage of that transition because, you know, if...

Mary Farrelly (48:16)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (48:30)
if that's what your baby needs, but take advantage of the hands-on process that you're offered within that hospital because that made a huge difference. I do this workout orange theory and it has like different heart rates. I'm gonna link this together. There's the red, which is all out. There's yellow, which is push pace. Your green is base pace. And then you got some that are like in rest under that. So if the NICU is all out, you know,

we could have went home on push pace and still been in this very kind of high alert. But that transition allowed us to go from push, go having to be in push pace to challenging, but doable. Like I was like, by the time we were done, we left on the 31st and they wanted him to kind of hang around. He wasn't quite off oxygen yet. He still had a feeding tube. And yeah, I was like, yeah, no, I can do this at home. Thank you. We'll leave it. It's like, he's good.

I promised me he's good. And, ⁓ and he was, and so he had like, they wanted us to get checked for something down at, ⁓ at CHOP. ⁓ and that was in December and it was October and I was like, not staying here two more months. We got it. And we did. And so I just that like rage and results because without it, I'm really grateful we had that opportunity because I don't know what the story would have been for all the parents who get discharged immediately from.

Mary Farrelly (49:51)
Wow.

Leilah Robinson (49:59)
which again is where what your work does has got to come in because that's got to be a night and day situation.

Mary Farrelly (50:07)
because a lot of people don't have that option. I love that analogy where you're like, where are we going with the orange theory? But I love that. I love that because you're right. So many parents are going home on in the red zone still. They literally there was no pause, no break, no breath and not a whole lot of time to really practice and build those confidence in that home transition phase of being like you journey because

Leilah Robinson (50:10)
Don't have, yeah.

I'm sorry

Yes.

in the red still.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mary Farrelly (50:36)
The red zone is like a huge part of the beginning when you're worried about the day to day and what's this gonna mean long term? Will they ever get the breathing tube out? Will we ever eat? And then all of sudden you're at this point where you're like, okay, they're bigger, they're better, they're healthier, but now it's back on me. Like now I'm going to be in the driver's seat of this car going a thousand miles an hour instead of having a medical team next to me supporting me through this.

Leilah Robinson (50:39)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Right, the amount of

pressure, yeah.

Mary Farrelly (51:03)
It can be incredibly intense and it's balanced because as you said, sometimes you're like, I just want to go home. I don't want to be driving to a hospital every day. So some families ⁓ may see the discharge date as almost like get out of jail card. You're released and you're free without always thinking of like, okay, well, what does the next day look like? What does the day look like?

Leilah Robinson (51:10)
Right.

Mmm.

Right, so true,

right.

Mary Farrelly (51:28)
How can

I make sure that those days feel as good as possible? How can I make sure that I'm as prepared as possible? My family's as prepared as possible. My home is as prepared as possible. That happens time again. Families are hearing it's time for discharge and they're like, oh my gosh, like I need to install, know, we need the nursery. We need new carpets over here. hate, know, it's just so many different logistical things that come up. You've been in this like fight or flight day to day, hour and

Leilah Robinson (51:32)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yeah, what-

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Mary Farrelly (51:58)
remote in the NICU and then it totally flips over. So what was your first day home like? How was that?

Leilah Robinson (52:05)
Yeah, that was, we brought him home. It was, yeah, the 31st. So he had on, we did the little Halloween parade. we, until I kept all the nurses like, cause they're like, you're really leaving today? I'm like, yeah, we're gonna take the parade right on out of here. So we did the parade and he had his little skeleton onesie on and yeah, we brought him in and you know, he's looking around and I'm like, we had a little bassinet here in my living room and yeah, it was like your home. This is your home. And ⁓

It felt again, the blessing of that hospital. The only time we started to get into that pace was towards into the winter. ⁓ We had a few scares, but those first, was the newest thing we had learned like right maybe a week before we left. hadn't, practice it with a doll. Well, not even the newest thing, right? You practice with a doll, the feeding tube, right? And I had done it a few times at the hospital with the nurses, but that,

Mary Farrelly (53:00)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (53:05)
You know, I'm have to do this to you a few times, put it in that feeding tube. ⁓ Woof was woof. Dad, good old dad was always like, you got this. Thank you.

Mary Farrelly (53:14)
Yeah, that's That's it. Yeah.

So thanks for the moral support.

Leilah Robinson (53:24)
But he would hold, it would be a partnership thing, that's too, yeah, right, for sure. But it wasn't too shabby, the first day coming home. And it was just amazing. Like, I couldn't believe he was in our house. That feeling, like, wow, you're here in the house, because you come going back and forth and keep coming home with him with you, but not with you. It's crazy. So that felt, yeah.

Mary Farrelly (53:26)
Yeah, that's a two person job, especially on a

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (53:53)
that I can almost can't really describe.

Mary Farrelly (53:57)
And what, because your little man is older now, not super old, but he's older, what was the first year home like? What were some challenges or surprises that came up ⁓ that either you didn't expect or that were a little bit harder to work through?

Leilah Robinson (54:01)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, so he came home on oxygen and feeding tube. He had a little bit of tummy issues. So ⁓ there was a bit of a long back and forth with the feeding ⁓ from the NICU and then at the children's hospital and then to home. So figuring out the whole...

feeding thing while he still had the feeding tube was a little bit challenging. Because I know you've talked about parents like trying to find our own schedule once we get home and weaning kind of off that rigid, you know, nine, five, six, whatever it may be. That was difficult because I got to feed you for nutrition and everything that you need, but I need you to feel hungry so that I could feed you.

Mary Farrelly (54:54)
Mm-hmm.

Right?

Leilah Robinson (55:11)
So that little dance was fun. ⁓ But one thing I also want to tell all parents, that's why even from the beginning, the more you get curious and start to learn your baby, put all the other, whatever other babies have done, are you seeing out the window? And really lean into where they'll tell you, like I've heard you say multiple times, they will tell, he has led.

Mary Farrelly (55:30)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (55:39)
me along with my intuition and everything else, but I've really been paying attention and he's very clear. It just, ⁓ the next day he'll start doing something. just, you know, you keep offering it, whatever the case may be. And all of sudden it just clicks or all of a sudden, and he's like, okay, yeah, I'll do this now. so with that being said, the trying to figure out the stance between the feeding tube and ⁓ the bottle, he like threw up the...

threw up the tube one day, like completely. And I was like, dad was leaving for work. So he was kind of like, let's see what happens for the day with him not in. So we did that and that kind of led us down the journey of him feeding on his own. And when the nutritionist was following us real closely and making sure and everything like that. So that was a dance. ⁓

Mary Farrelly (56:10)
Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (56:35)
But once he, because it came up out of him and it was rough getting back in and because my husband was leaving, we kind of just went with it and that led us down a track and she said it was safe, he was looking good. So there was that. Obviously he did pretty well. He was a rock star in the oxygen department for the most part once he got home. ⁓ But yeah, wasn't until that, we left on the 31st, winter, we had a close call ⁓ with the sickness.

But we had luckily a good old fashioned old pediatrician that you can call on his cell phone and he was kind of walking us and guiding us through it. So we made it, not having to return to the hospital, that was close. And then I actually also waited. They also, one thing they tell you is like get right into the early intervention. And because we did two months at the hospital and finally home, I really, again, my intuition was just like, just hold off.

It's gonna be all right. Like just slow down. Me and my background love like dance and movement. I was able to kind of keep an eye on some of his developmental milestones and just, you know, where things were headed. So waited until that following summer. We just wrapped up our year long of therapies this past August. And he did all the therapies, he did it for his food, his OT and his PT.

And he flew through it. So our long time challenge is really just, I don't like to say keeping up or catching up because every baby, still full-time baby is on their own journey as well. So just keeping up with his potential, and what he could do and allowing him to continue to thrive. But yeah, that first year, he gave us a couple of challenges with the feeding and.

Mostly the feeding, honestly, because like I said, the oxygen kind of ran its course and he was just kind of getting better and better with that outside of the winter pretty naturally. So that was a blessing. But yeah, we're still kind of solids. He's still working on taking in whole foods. He's enjoying it now, but that's kind of where he's hanging out. We're kind of still watching, Yeah, yeah.

Mary Farrelly (58:52)
Feeding is no joke with babies and just with any,

I mean with term infants as well. have a lot of my friends are in this season where they have newborns that did not have a NICU stay, but feeding is such a challenge with parents because you're trying to follow the baby's cues and read their intuition and follow along, but you're also like, got it. You got to have calories too. Like it's just this balance of like my job as a parent is to make sure that you are fed.

Leilah Robinson (58:59)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

Oh my gosh. That's how I talk to you. You gotta eat. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (59:20)
But you also

Leilah Robinson (59:20)
Right.

Mary Farrelly (59:21)
want to be like, okay, you know, like, it's almost like you don't want to like play it. You got to play it cool so they don't feel the pressure. But also in your head be like, my gosh, this is my job as your parent to feed yourself. Just the mind game of feeding a child in general, even as you said, entrance to toddlerhood and beyond is a mental journey for the parent. But ⁓ it comes with so many twists and turns. But I love

Leilah Robinson (59:28)
Right.

Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mary Farrelly (59:49)
the story that he kind of decided for you when he was done with that too, being like, i will yak this thing right out of me and you don't have a choice today.

Leilah Robinson (59:57)
Yeah, it

was like some, can't remember now, like it was something about, cause I'm sure he had done it before, but it was just something about that day. I think in addition to my husband having to leave or maybe that was just what it was, but like it opened the door for us and we followed it. Yeah. Yeah. does. Exactly. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (1:00:12)
He knew, he timed it just right.

He knew it. They're smart,

those little buggers. They really, know what they're doing. They are the boss of their own story. So we're kind of wrapping up for today a little bit. Thank you so much for sharing, but I would love to know as we kind of close up, if you could go back to yourself that those first kind of hours, in the NICU and sit next to yourself in those first moments, what would you say to yourself?

Leilah Robinson (1:00:22)
Yeah.

You

This was fun.

I will tell myself your story isn't broken. Everything is happening as it should and sadness and joy can coexist. You've been chosen for this experience, dare to discover why. So again, like I said, I sound like this woo woo who had it, everything was coming all easy, that, I felt everything, every frustration, every.

what is this happening? Maybe I'll drift off into why, but more why is it happening? Or what is happening? I would kind of sit there and tell myself, in those words, it's gonna be okay. And the biggest thing that I love, this is all the musical theater girlies out there, or men, moms or dads, who, ⁓ if you've heard The Notebook, there's a song on there, Sadness and Joy.

Mary Farrelly (1:01:24)
Mm-hmm.

Leilah Robinson (1:01:50)
If you wanna have a good cry, NICU Moms NICU Dads, NICU families, that song is like engulfed in what this experience, if you could put this experience in a song, it's that, which obviously has nothing to do with literally it, but my goodness, it just is exactly it. Sadness and joy, because this is such a sad thing that's happening, but what a joy that our baby's here, our journey has started.

Whatever the case may be, it's like, how do you hold those two things at the same time? You do. It's crazy.

Mary Farrelly (1:02:24)
There's a Daniel Tiger episode that my daughter watches. That is, you can feel two things at the same time. And that is being a human. that's the uniqueness of this experience that we get to get to or have to go walk on together. So thank you for sharing. people, Leilah also has shared,

Leilah Robinson (1:02:32)
my gosh.

Yeah.

Yes.

Mary Farrelly (1:02:49)
resources to be able to share her incredible wisdom with other NICU families. So if people want to connect with you beyond, Leilah's in a lot of my classes and courses, and if you wanna hang out with me and her at the same time, especially if you're a doula who's interested in learning how to be that person that can sit next to NICU families and say those words that are often missing in the beginning. But where can they find you?

Leilah Robinson (1:03:15)
So you can find me on Instagram at momsaligned and then my website that is kind of an ongoing little project for me as I'm getting things out there into the world is at Aligned.

So you drop the

AligndLiving.com. So spell Aligned the same way, living.com. So yeah, come check me out. Things will be popping up, but I'll be communicating through Instagram as I share more with the world about my experience and try and help really, my focus is really helping moms. Like I was talking about kind of live in your body through this experience to be able to kind of get out of our heads and move through it in that way. Yeah.

Mary Farrelly (1:03:58)
I'm so grateful that you were here today and I'm even more grateful that our paths crossed. We were trying to think back, like what was the moment when we like found each other and were like, hey, you want to come hang out with me and do some red tea with me? It was.

Leilah Robinson (1:04:04)
Yes. All right.

I, yeah, it was very sandbox. It was like sandbox

on social media. Hey, would you be my friend? what? Where'd come

Mary Farrelly (1:04:17)
Yeah, you want to come play with me?

But I'm so very grateful for finding you and I'm so glad that you are able to share your light and your love with the NICU community. Thank you.

Leilah Robinson (1:04:23)
Yes! Yes!

Thank you for having me. Yes, thank

you so much.