21. Holding Space in the Hardest Moments: Supporting NICU Families Through Loss
Losing a baby in or after the NICU is a grief few can imagine — and one that deserves more compassionate, trauma-informed support than most families receive.
In this episode, I’m joined by Ashley Inclima, a doula specializing in perinatal loss and bereavement. Ashley is the founder of Tides of Life Doula, where she supports families through pregnancy, birth, and infant loss with presence, ritual, and heart-centered care.
Together, we talk about what it means to improve the bereavement experience for NICU families — from how healthcare professionals and doulas can show up with sensitivity, to the small actions that make an enormous difference in moments of loss.
You’ll hear insight on:
🌿 What compassionate presence really looks like when there are no right words
🕯️ How to honor a baby’s life — even when it feels unbearably short
💬 Simple ways to communicate with families navigating grief in the NICU
💡 How doulas and care providers can partner with hospital teams to improve bereavement care
This is a powerful and deeply needed conversation for anyone who supports NICU families — and a reminder that even in the hardest moments, there are ways to bring gentleness, respect, and light.
Stay Connected with Mary:
Instagram: @thenicutranslator
Want to learn more about how to best support NICU babies and their families before, during and after a NICU experience? Grab the FREE guide here to get started
Guest Spotlight: Ashley Inclima
Ashley Inclima is a Birth and Bereavement Doula, Certified Grief Educator, and founder of Tides of Life Doula & Perinatal Bereavement Services LLC, specializing in pregnancy and infant loss, as well as pregnancy after loss. With over a decade of personal and professional experience, she supports bereaved families and provides guidance for the professionals who care for them. Ashley also educates doulas and healthcare providers to feel more confident and equipped to hold space for families through grief, love, and healing.
Connect with Ashley:
Instagram: @tidesoflifedoula
Inside This Episode:
00:00 - Introduction to NICU grief and Ashley’s personal story
02:22 - Ashley’s journey into bereavement doula work
06:14 - Educating healthcare professionals and doulas for better family support
10:39 - Common themes: guilt, regret, isolation, and the out-of-order loss
15:11 - Supporting families in moments of silence and unspoken pain
20:09 - Unique challenges of NICU loss and secondary grief experiences
27:43 - Balancing joy and grief, gratitude and sadness
30:02 - Memory making: why photos, keepsakes, and rituals matter
39:30 - Supporting families in transition: advocating for the environment, visitation, and personal rituals
46:20 - The one essential takeaway for supporting families in grief
50:44 - The role of support providers: holding space, guiding, and collaborative care
Links, Resources & Mentions:
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Share this episode with a doula or care provider who could bring NICU-informed care to their community or leave a 5-star review and let me know!
Disclaimer:
This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for decisions about your health or your baby’s care.
Until next time, remember:
The NICU is only the beginning, and together we can make this journey less overwhelming, and a lot more empowering.
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